You want to be happy forever, whether you are single or not?
I have religiously followed my conditioned mind and everything what others ingrained in me for far too long. So being single in my 30’s wasn’t something I should be experiencing at my age, according to myself, my family, some of my friends too. By then I should have been married, with kids, with a mortgage, living my happy (or unhappy!) life like the majority of people do.
When I had really low days I was haunted by one belief, that my life should have been different than it currently was! I had a plan to be in a romantic, lasting, loving relationship with an amazing man by now and being single was not what I wanted or asked for. “I should have a boyfriend, I should be enjoying my life in a relationship, I should be coupled up, I should be sharing my life with a lovely man….” These were the regular thoughts I was thinking. The more I focused on them the more unhappy I was becoming. And the common theme was – MY LIFE SHOULD BE DIFFERENT (in order for me to be happy)!
Life didn’t give me what I wanted and for years I kept resisting it for not giving me what I believed I needed to be happy. Instead of working with what life gave me at that time I kept arguing with my reality. I kept disliking my life the way it was.
Now I know that believing the very thought that my life should be different than it was (meaning I should have at least a boyfriend if not a husband!) and lack of acceptance hugely contributed to my suffering as a single person. In fact, this belief is the source of all the suffering in your life, not just in the context of being single. Every time you believe something should be different than it is you create resistance and you take the beauty of the present moment away from you.
Only after a series of disastrous dates (as by then I was in a desperate rush to find my future husband as I wasn’t getting any younger, so I was dating ANYBODY!) one day I realised how much I kept running away from what was present in my life. I also realised how much energy I invested into disliking my life. I was focused on what I didn’t have and I was blind to how much I had! I was so blinkered by the idea of having a relationship that I even managed to completely abandon myself. I ignored the most important relationship in my life – the relationship I was having with myself.
It was a big realisation for me. I immediately felt like I could only give in. I could stop fighting with my life, resisting, running away. I suddenly saw all the blessings life as a single had kept giving me all the way. I saw that there was another way, the path of surrendering and accepting. At this point I was quite exhausted and disillusioned by chasing, hoping, dreaming. The realisation was very comforting. By agreeing with what life was giving me, I allowed peace, acceptance and love into my life.
I took a piece of paper and kept writing the lessons and gifts which I had in my life thanks to being single. I was amazed how much I had in my life to be grateful for. I realised that life as a single provided me with many priceless lessons I needed to become a better person. I wouldn’t have swapped it for the best romantic relationship as I have found myself in the process. Now I am in the best position to build something meaningful, deep and loving with another human being.
I would love you, to make the same shift from today going forward. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have come back to the present moment and list all the things you have in your life thanks to not being in a relationship. Stop believing your mind which will keep convincing you that your life should be different and you should be in a relationship. Find your blessings in your current situation!
Also remember that at the same time when life doesn’t give you what you want, it gives you something else. Very often these unnoticed things are profound gifts. Find your gifts in being single! What can you be grateful for? What are you learning? How can you become a better person thanks to being single?
Stop writing future scenarios and following your mind’s illusions, become a humble witness of life and observe how it unfolds perfectly with its lessons and gifts every single day. Just open your eyes and your heart, and silence your mind. Then notice what is present here, now. Your life is just the way it should be! And you are where you are meant to be!