How giving up on love transformed my love life!
I used to be a long-term miserable singleton who desperately wanted to be in a relationship. I was single for 7 years, the first 4 of those I spent daydreaming about relationships and focusing on finding my man.
My thoughts revolved around what type of man I wanted in my life. What qualities I wanted him to possess and what I wanted to get from him. All I could think about was how I wanted him to satisfy my needs and what I wanted him to provide me with. I believed the clearer I became with my thoughts the faster I would manifest a happy relationship.
So I did what many advise, I started creating my ideal man lists. Soon I had list after list. I had a list of his qualities, a list of things I wanted to do with him, a list of ways I wanted my man to make me feel, a list of my deal breakers, the qualities and behaviours I would never accept. These lists were said to help me draw my dream man into my life. To my disappointment instead of getting closer to manifesting my dream man, my endless lists just made me feel less hopeful. I again fell into that bitter feeling that I would never find the one.
My lists went to the bin, my hopes went out the window…
I invested my energy, my time, my heart into finding the one and I wasn’t getting the desired results. Date after date I felt more disillusioned, disappointed and disheartened. It was an emotional rollercoaster through big hopes, expectations, and excitement to the thud of rejection.
These rejections triggered my insecurities, that low feeling of being inadequate and powerless. I got to the point where I felt like I had done everything I could. The only thing which could bring me solace was to give up on love entirely. Life pushed me to the point where I got tired of looking, chasing, dreaming, dating, believing and even wanting a relationship. I felt drained, hurt and faithless. When you feel this way you need to be honest with yourself and make a change. I decided to be radical, stop doing everything I had been doing to date.
My lists went to the bin, my hopes went out the window. The dreams about finding the one were replaced with purpose, changing my own life now. I stopped dating. I stopped daydreaming. I stopped living in the future with my dream man and I started living my life in the now. I decided NO MORE running away from myself! I was the only person I was destined to spend the rest of my life with, so running away from me was pointless.
I embraced my life as a single bit by bit. I focused on me. I confronted my disempowering beliefs and fears. I chose to focus on creating my dream life instead of finding my dream man. I realised no dream man could create my dream life, only I could do that. I started to feel empowered.
I created space in my life for being present with myself. I devoted time for building a relationship with myself (the only permanent relationship in my life). I started to love myself more and become the source of my own happiness. On this new path (which didn’t feel very comfortable initially) I realised that up until this point I’d been looking for someone else to make me happy and give me purpose. That was my eureka moment, I realised I’d betrayed myself.
My old beliefs had fuelled my feeling of disillusionment and drained me of my inner power. They had me believing that I needed someone’s love, attention, support, and approval in order to be happy and fulfilled in life. In fact what I needed the most through all those years was my own love, attention, support and approval.
It hit me that I could fulfil all these needs myself. In fact I had an obligation to do this, to make sure I loved myself whether I was single or married. I owed it myself to live a happy life.
Since then my approach to life, to romantic relationships and myself completely shifted. I felt free from the conditioning I was subject to. I am (and you are too!) the only person who is responsible for my own happiness in life.
I don’t need a rescuer, a man who will make me happy, a man who will make my life more fun, easier or more eventful. I am not against relationships. I am actually in a happy relationship with a loving man. I think being part of a healthy, loving, supportive partnership is one of the most beautiful things in the world. But, for you to be ready for it you need to become a happy person. This happens when you realise that you are the creator of your own life whether you are single or married.
So women find your power within and own it!