How to avoid players and being ghosted in dating!
It’s sad to hear my client’s dating stories. The stories of attracting players, being ghosted and wasting time for the guys who don’t know what they want.
It’s devastating being ghosted and have your hopes shattered by someone who has never had serious intentions about you.
As much as I empathise with those ladies, I can’t help but think many of these sad stories could have been avoided by a few little behavioural adjustments and more dating knowledge.
You could either feel sorry for yourself, or you could see an opportunity to arm yourself with smart dating rules. This blog post is not about shifting the blame but about empowering you to make smarter romantic choices and get savvy about dating.
Dating can be confusing in the beginning. Dating can be promising. And it’s very easy to fall for the wrong guy if we have been single for a long time and really long for a relationship. That’s why single women need to make sure they stay grounded during the early months of dating and stick to strict rules to protect themselves.
Here are a few tips you can implement to protect yourself from ruthless players and being ghosted:
Don’t invest yourself too quickly
Slowly is healthy. When you take things slowly, you give yourself time to get to know the person before you get invested emotionally. It is only natural to jump into a romantic adventure without thinking, but this is the time when you need to go against your nature so that you don’t make mistakes and don’t get hurt. And slowly also means no sex until you are absolutely sure he likes you and loves spending time with you.
Learn to read the warning signs
If the guy doesn’t have genuine intentions, he will unintentionally reveal them to you. You just need to pay attention. He won’t be very present in your life. He won’t call you regularly. He will make certain excuses. He won’t be consistent. He might even disappear for a while and come back. If you pay attention, you will know that something is off. And if it feels off, it is off! Don’t ignore it and follow your gut feeling.
Let the man lead and take initiative
The best way to find out whether the man is serious about you and your dating potentially turning into a relationship is to let the man lead. Let him show you his intentions by actions. Let him feel like a man who can pursue you and get you. That means let him pay if he offers. Let him come your way if he wants to see you. Let him invite you for dates. Let him initiate contact more often than you do. These little acts will show you the level of his interest and his emotional investment.
Have strong boundaries
You need to know what you can accept and can’t accept. You need to know how you want to be treated. And when you do, then you stick to these rules. Are you happy to pay for yourself, or should a man pay for you? Are you happy to meet halfway, or should a man come your way? Are you happy to meet once a week, or do you want to meet more often? Explore your non-negotiables and apply them to the dating game.
Don’t create a fantasy in your head
Often when we meet someone nice after a long time of not dating, our desire to be in a relationship is very tempting. Our judgment is clouded by our emotions and hormones. We have a strong connection with someone, and we feel close with them. We almost immediately assume we are building something and the guy is on the same page with us, even though the guy might be well behind us in assuming this is leading somewhere. We will happily ignore the warning signs so our happiness lasts. This is a mistake. Look at facts. Don’t fall for your own fantasy. Observe the guy and how he acts. Don’t fall for the words. Look at his actions. These are usually good clues to judge whether he is invested in you.
I hope these tips will help you protect yourself better in the dating game, avoid being ghosted, and potentially reduce heartache.
Stay empowered in dating rather than become a victim of another player.