Are you there for yourself?

It is interesting that when life gets hard and a bit bumpy, we so often turn away from ourselves and we don’t know how to be present for ourselves.

Think for a moment what happens to you when you fail at something, when you don’t get something right, when your life is not going according to plan? Have you been there for yourself with an open heart, loving and compassionate? Or you judge yourself, blame yourself, beat yourself up, feel guilty or you make others responsible for your feelings?

The truth is when life gets difficult you need yourself the most. When you face a challenge or you have done something you are not happy about or you simply feel blue for some reason (even if it is just because of your period!) you don’t need your judgment, unloving and unsupportive ways. All you need to give yourself is extra attention and love rather than beating yourself up.

It is like with a friend… when you see a good friend of yours struggling with something or going through a rough patch in life what do you normally do? You support them, you are there for them and you help them resolve the issues they are facing. You need to treat yourself like your best friend and apply the same things to getting yourself through a rough time in your life.

How do you actually do that?

1. Recognise your emotions.

You need to stop and go within: This will give you a chance to recognise what is actually happening in you and what you are feeling. We get so busy and in our business we often ignore the feelings and different emotional waves which go through us. It is very healthy to be in this space for a moment and name your emotions without judging them. It is ok to feel whatever you feel. You can even state in your mind: ‘I am angry or I feel anger or I am sad or I feel sadness’. When you name them it is easier to feel them and go to another step. Simply be aware of what you are experiencing emotionally, without resistance.

2. Find the cause of your emotions.

Too often we get so entangled in our thoughts and fears that we lose connection with what is present here and now. Our mind believes our thoughts and fears are true, where in fact on most occasions, these are only projections based on past experiences. Explore what is happening in you and define what caused you to feel the way you feel. Is it something you have done recently? Or maybe your expectations caused you to feel disappointed with yourself? Or maybe everything is falling apart at the moment and you believe your life should be more under control? When you determine what makes you feel the way you feel you can do the next step.

3. Neutralise the cause.

Can the situation which caused you to feel bad be changed? Can you possibly take action to resolve the issue which is affecting you? Or maybe you can say sorry to someone for doing something which doesn’t make you feel like the best version of yourself? Explore what you can do to change the situation. Very often a simple adjustment and action can alleviate your painful emotions. If the situation can’t be changed you absolutely need to spend some extra time doing number 4.

4. Love yourself.

This is actually something consistent through your entire life really but, at least give yourself some extra loving after you have determined nothing can be changed and you have screwed up at something. Your intentions are always good and things sometimes don’t work out the way you want them to, but being hostile towards your self won’t change a thing but love can. So how can you give yourself love? A bath, a meditation, a candle lit evening with some soothing music, a massage, an acknowledgment that you have done your best is sometimes enough! You can also take a piece of paper and start with ‘I love myself for….’ List as many little and big things as possible. Shower yourself with love and good vibes. And one more thing – appreciate yourself for who you are, for what you have achieved and for your efforts!

It is all about being aware of what is happening within you, recognising all the emotional processes and being present with it. Only then you can catch yourself abandoning yourself and at this very moment you can choose love instead of blame, judgment, guilt.

Don’t abandon yourself when you need yourself the most! You are always deserving of love (even if you don’t get everything right), especially of your own love!

Choose loving yourself daily, dearly and devotedly!

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  1. Asha, this is such a beautiful post full of so much wisdom. I think we often dismiss our emotions for one reason or another. It’s a challenge to view our emotions without judging or placing blame, so this is why I think your first tip is especially valuable. Thank you for sharing this!

    • You are welcome Michelle. I am glad you found it helpful;-). Our emotions can often get in the way of seeing things clearly so it is good to stop from time to time and recognise them.

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