3 things I have learned from men about finding love
I used to be a hopeless serial dater. Not because I wanted to be one but because I was clueless about online dating. And also because finding love was a little bit too important to me. In other words, I was too desperate for love.
I didn’t have a strategy, a plan, a wise approach.
It took me a while to develop the right attitude towards online dating. It took me a while to learn from my own mistakes. I needed to relax about finding love.
Initially I had thought the more men I met the faster I would find a suitable guy. And yes, I did find a few men I thought were suitable, but because my romantic choices were not the smartest, in the end I got hurt and deflated.
I felt empty. I was getting nowhere. I lost faith in love. My dream about finding The One had come to an end. Not a nice place to be.
After a few years of aimless online dating I got to the point of exhaustion. I decided: no more! I threw in the towel.
It might sound drastic but actually going on a dating detox was the best thing I ever did!
I took some time to re-evaluate my methodology to get better results. I came up with new rules and new insights.
Through my analysis it became obvious to me that men who are looking for a serious relationship approach online dating more strategically.
They kind of have a plan and they stick to it. They also don’t rush. Partly because no biological clock is ticking for them but also because they don’t want to be trapped in the wrong relationship.
These are 3 things I have learned from my dates:
Quality men who are ready for a relationship have clarity. They instinctively know what they want to find. It’s not so much about a detailed list of qualities but they definitely know how they want to feel around their dream woman. They have a short list of requirements and they follow them. They also know what effect the person is going to have on them. It’s often not conscious. Sometimes they only recognise it when they meet the right woman but until they do they don’t settle for less.
They are picky and they are ready to patiently wait for the right woman. They will assertively reject women who are not the right ones as they have faith that someone more suitable is around the corner. They are also not willing to change their search criteria as they know what would make them happy. There is no urgency or desperation. They might take breaks from dating. They might focus on other things. They are not in a rush. They are careful about investing their time.
Men on a love mission apply a wise rule to finding love. They are not willing to compromise. They know what they want and are determined to get it. They love their life just the way it is and won’t accept anybody who doesn’t make it even better. They are willing to take their time because they want to get it right. Even if it takes them a few years they are okay with waiting for the right woman (and having fun until they meet her!). They know they don’t want to waste their time for a fling with no meaning or a temporary love affair. They are on a mission. And they won’t settle until they find The One.
After years of dating and getting it wrong I applied the same approach to my dating.
I decided I deserved something extra special after so many failed attempts in love. I wasn’t willing to compromise any more.
I had to wait for 7 years to find my dream man and sometimes it wasn’t easy but I decided that I wasn’t going to waste even one more minute on men who couldn’t bring value and additional happiness to my life.
I became radical and it worked.
Compromises in love only postpone finding The One and create unnecessary heartache and pain.
If you apply these 3 rules and you are religious about this approach your result is almost guaranteed. It is just a matter of time and trust.